Nothing is ever free

Being happy yesterday about slowly moving out of a state of poverty (payday) I decided that I wanted to vacuum out my car. It was a simple desire that almost turned deadly. Not for me but my car.
I have seen this carwash in Omaha on 90th street, that had huge lettering FREE VACS. I was excited but knew there had to be a catch, and I was right. You cannot get to the vacuums without going through the carwash. The cheapest wash was only $4.00 so I thought I could spare that and my car really did need to be washed. When I went to pull into the wash, there was an attendant and he motioned for me to pull forward and I noticed I would be pulling onto one of those tracks that moves your car automatically. I put the car in neutral as instructed and started letting it do its thing. I first noticed a grinding sound as it was going along. I thought "Oh great when I get out I will have 4 flat tires!" The noise continued and was followed by the sounds of tennis balls being chucked at all sides of my car. Realizing it was just the water jets I thought "Well my car is really dirty, at least I know it will be rinsed off good." When the brushes started heading towards my car I knew I was in trouble. They beat the crap out of my car! It was like 1000 big, wet, heavy towels being raised as high as they could and being dropped onto my car followed by a wire brush being scrapped along the sides on my car. My next thought was "Well there goes all the paint on my car!" The car continued to roll into a wind tunnel that would have taken all my hair off if I opened the window. I pulled out, surprised that I still had all the sides to my to my car attached and I was just sitting in the skeleton of my car. I pulled around to the vacuums, which was the whole reason for my visit. I got out and for some reason I looked at my tires and found that 98% of the paint on my hubcabs had been taken off on all 4 of them!
I knew that would be an easy fix but maybe they should change the setting on the tire washers from 'scrub with rocks' to 'scrub with cotton balls' or something. I got everything cleaned out so I could vacuum and walked over to grab the hose and as soon as I took it out of the holder the sound of a million screaming cats came out of it. It was the most annoying and painful noise! I seriously thought it was 1000's of cats being forced to power the vacuums somehow and were screaming in pain. I tried to quickly vacuum out my car to stop the pain these cats were going through to clean my car. And to get another laugh, the carwash made the hoses just long enough so they couldn't fully reach the backseat. For the last laugh, they put these huge pillars in between the stalls, so that in case the carwash didn't take all the paint off or ding your car enough, you could finish the job everytime you opened your door.
I was happy to have a clean car but not sure if it was worth the free vacuums. Let's check:
Car wash............ $4.00
vacuum............... FREE
Spray paint to fix hubcabs................ $4.97 (plus the other things I was forced to buy since I had to go to Wal-Mart)
Spray painting my hubcabs in my driveway, in windy conditions so there is now grass dried into the paint on the hubcabs............... PRICELESS

Oh yeah....My mom asked me to mention a nice act I did for her last night. She wanted me to put the pink anti-itch lotion (not sure how to spell and too lazy to find out) on her feet where she had bug bites. I did as asked and made sure her foot was covered with the lotion so they wouldn't itch. And she said it was mean what I did. So much for being nice!